Hail Machiato, Full of Grace

Now I can't stop. Starbucks as religion is too powerful an analogy to walk away from util I pump it dry.

Yes, there is secret knowledge: the terms a real insider uses with facility: double half-caf no-fat mochachino. It's like a foreign language. A Latin Mass that the outsider is confused by.

The servers are priests, that one is simple. Do priests have profit-sharing and 401k accounts? They perform the holy sacrament of Communion. No wafer and cup: it's pastry and paper cup with heat shield. They turn from you after hearing your supplication, and speak to the shiny chrome, brass and stainless steel gods, who dispense their stimulating favors via a mysterious ritual, complete with steamings and strange and practiced motions, passed down from priest to priest.

The hymns are whatever carefully-chosen-by-the-marketing-department jazz, or alternative, or indie (code for "a band no one's ever heard of") music will help create the hip, laid-back, soft-but-edgy atmosphere. True middle of the road, presented as edgy. Right now I'm listening to Sinatra, and the only other person here is a twenty-something college kid who wouldn't be able to give me his fist name (Sinatra's: I'm pretty sure the kid could remember his own name).

I can't think of a more diety-pleasing incense than the aroma of fresh Guatamala Antigua, especially if god is not a Morning Person.

I'll stop before the poor horse is beat to death, but you can fill in whatever other missing pieces as you desire. Overall I think Starbucks outshines IaG as a religious analogy, if only because it's the dominant cultural phenomenon. But IaG is staging it's own little Protestant Reformation, and the whole vibe is significantly different here, although most of the pieces are in place. I actually think IaG has the edge with their over-stuffed high-backed library chairs. Very comfy.