"Why is my daughter not turning in her work?"
This is the question a parent asked a colleague in a phone conversation I overheard in the teachers' lounge/workroom/copyroom (lounge? Not a sofa in sight).
There's something odd about that question. Not in the question per se, but in who the questioner was and who the hearer was. I think they're reversed.
In a perfect world (or just in the world of a generation ago) it would be the teacher asking the parent "Why is your daughter not turning in her work?" But now the onus for making the kid perform is laid on the shoulders of the teacher. Parents send their kids to school in the morning and the kids are then our problems.
Of course, in that previous generation most kids grew up in two-parent households, and many of those were one-paycheck households, so moms had time to supervise more of their kids' school careers. Now, one-parent households are so commonplace as not to raise an eyebrow, and it's almost unheard of for a woman to devote her energies to being solely a wife and mother.
Some of this is a result of a changed economy, some a result of the femminist movement ushering women into the workforce, some of a higher divorce rate, some is a result of a higher expected standard of living, e.g., a larger home, (the square footage of typical home to house four people has gone up), two expensive, financed-to-the-gills cars, the big-screen TV, ad infinitum.
So we live in a way that might make our gradparents blush at our consumerism and lavishness, and the kid's homework isn't being done because no one is making sure it's being done, because parents are all working and rightfully tired when they cross over the threshold in the evening. We don't even use the term "latchkey kid" anymore, because it's not unusual for kids to be completely unsupervised from the time school lets out to the time Mom comes home from work at six.
Ideas have consequences. Human resources are finite: time and energy given to serve one value means fewer resources are available to devote to another. As I survey the landscape of the American family, I conclude that there has been no other time when it has been more important for families to take inventory of where their values are: a $40,000 SUV, or a few more hours to spend with the kids? A mother seeking fulfillment in the workforce, or in shaping the character of her children? Of course, many don't have the luxury of choice, but even some of those situations are the results of earlier choices that put kids on the losing side of the equation.
Incrementalism, the series of slight changes over time, can have a large cumulative effect. One drop of water on a rock is insignificant: but monoliths are eroded by nothing strong stronger than individual drops of water. And we don't notice, because the change is so slow, we adapt the the slightly different viewpoint, way of living, way of thinking, of accepting what is normal.
I'm not a cultural alarmist in the full-blown sense, and I know we tend to romanticize the past, but I see a distinct difference between this generation and the one I grew up in, and the results.
4 comments:
I think I'll call parents from now and do the "i'll do it to you before you do it to me" thing and ask them about their student's work habit. It's funny that I've called parents and informed them of missing assignments and they seem so concerned and "yes, we'll get little susie to do it this weekend. don't worry, johnny will have it done." most of the time, it's futile. Somewhere along the line, privileges became rights and we're losing the battle, parents and teachers.
hey Mr. Coulter, do they let graduated students into the school to talk to teachers? I havent seen you in forever, and I miss our little chats! plus I have lots of stories, pictures, and prjects to show that my kids made, gave, or told me about!
I would have to come before 2 becuase...well that's when I leave for work, and I dont get back till 6:30 or 7.
so ya, if you could find out and let me know that would be great. I would ask Jessy, but she justs scoffs and walks away like what I asked is the most obscure thing she's heard.
well, I better go. I leave for work in 5 minutes. hope all is going well for you, and I get to talk to you soon.
Sara Gaudy
Sara, really: you've been graduated from the high school, so why would you want to come back?
"Visiting" a teacher during the school day "just to talk", when he has those pesky classes to teach, isn't really the same thing as stopping by on a hall pass to somewhere else, when you're a student. You would need an official reason to be there, like dropping off my lunch, or something equally important. lol So that's verbotten. Sorry.
Hope all is going well: gimme an update sometime, eh? All I know is moved out, moved back, and the job is what, at a pre-school? Any classes? What are you doing to the world (instead of the world doing to you)?
As my hero, Captain Kirk, would say, "I need answers, and I need them now!"
hahahaha! I work with prop 49, through the YMCA, at Palms elementary school. I work at an after school program, that is under staffed, under paid, is only part time, and I LOVE IT! not for the reasons above obviously but I love the kids. They are awesome! there's 96 in the program (grades k-6) and we have 3 rotations (sports, homework and art/enrichment) I am usually in the art room (becuase it's the hardest room to handle, and appartenly "no one is as artistic as I am") anywhooooo. love work, I am starting classes at Cerritos next semester, and all is good! I think thats it...if I missed anything let me know! lol
Sara G.
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